


Lost In You

by msrachelb



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-07-29 07:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7676281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msrachelb/pseuds/msrachelb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How could she tell him? How could she tell her boyfriend that his best friend had been sneaking through her window for the last four months?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Comfort

**Chapter 1 Comfort**

 

She could still recall the exact night that Noah Puckerman came taping on her window for the first time during a cold October night.

She was sitting on her bed going through her song sheets trying to find the right song for the weeks assignment. Though she was positive that there wasn't an actually lesson to be learned when it came to any song revolving around Ace of Base she was going to comply regardless so there she was going through all the music she had by the band thinking she could mix it up enough to have more of a Broadway feel.

A knock on her window then made her jump and she grabbed the taser her dads had bought her in case of an intruder and her pillow and got up to open the curtain finding Noah on the other side freezing. "Berry, let me in." He said and she quickly nodded before opening the window and stepping aside and letting him in.

"Were you going to challenge me to a pillow fight or something? You really need to learn some defensive skills, Rachel." He said with a smirk as he sat on her bed.

Rachel showed him what was in her hand making him jump up and back away from her.

"Fuck never mind, just don't use that thing on me." He mumbled and she nodded curious as to why he was in her room so late at night and why he didn't just use the door.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked put her weapon back in her beside drawer and then grabbed a throw to wrap over her friend’s shoulders. "You're freezing, Noah."

She had known Noah since they were little kids and their parents introduced them wanting them both to have Jewish friends. Since then they went from being really close friends growing up to him being her number one tormentor and then somehow became friends again sophomore year when he joined glee club. After all that time she had only saw him so distraught once and that was the night when his dad left.

 

_Rachel knew there was something going on when Noah and Sarah Puckerman were dropped off at her house for the night. They had never stayed before. Noah had been dropped off to play and she baby sat the toddler occasionally at temple or with her fathers. Still the nine year old knew that something was wrong by how Noah didn't bound into her room raving about some sports game she didn't care about. Instead he just sat on her bed kicking his feet against the side._

_"He left." He said softly. "I heard them fighting and then he was gone. Didn't even say goodbye." Rachel grasped softly and places her hand on his shoulder only to have him shrug it off._

_"We didn't need him anyways."_

 

Eight years later she found herself in the same scene, her hand on his shoulder and him knocking it off as he got lost in thought and she just let him. He had came to her and she knew he'd talk when he was ready, he always did.

"Do you think I'm meant to be someone or am I stuck being a Lima loser?" He asked fifteen minutes later. Rachel had moved to the top of her bed with her sheet music to give him his space and looked up when he began to talk.

"What?" She asked softly as she put her things away and crawled down to him and at by him, gently taking his hand.

"That's a nonsense question Noah, of course you are meant to be someone. You have some of the greatest potential of anyone that I know." She assured him softly. Of course he had made some mistakes and his recent stent in juvenile correction reflected around that but it still didn't change how she felt about him. "What's going on? What happened to make you think this."

He shrugged almost laughing at her. What did she think caused his mood? His entire existence led him to the moment they were in. Normally he would just get drunk and ignore it until it went away but tonight he just wanted company and not of the sexual kind. He wanted his childhood friend.

"Mind if I stay? Don't really want to go home and you're bed has always been comfortable. I won't even try to touch your boobs I promise." He asked feeling like a pussy but he knew she wouldn't judge him like someone else would.

After a moment she nodded though many things were going through her mind, the number one thing being Finn but Noah was more important right now.

"I'll go get another blanket just in case, go ahead and get comfortable." She said with a small smile before going out into the hallway and grabbing a blanket and coming back to find him in just his boxers as she climbed into her bed making her blush.

"You said comfortable and I'm sure as hell not sleeping in jeans." He mumbled as he laid down and she just nodded and placed the blanket on the end of the bed and turned off the lights before taking her place beside of him.

They both laid on their backs just staring at the ceiling, both lost in thought with one full of questions and the other searching for answers. There was an odd comfort in the room though, something that neither of them expected.

“Ma and twerp are still pissed at me for what I did.” He said suddenly as Rachel was started to fall asleep. She turned her head to him, arching her eyebrow wondering exactly what he was referring to.

“I wanted to help, I needed to help. Sarah needs braces and we don’t have the money or insurance for that. I’m tired of Ma working all the time and my pool business can only go so far in the winter. So I stole that ATM and maybe it was stupid but I was doing it for them. I’m the man of the house and I’ve already failed.”

Rachel’s heart broke for him and she turned to her side and slide closer to him as she wrapped her fingers around his wrist and laid her head on his shoulder.

“That’s not true, Noah. They both love you so much. Maybe what you did wasn’t the best of decisions but your intentions were good and you know that they know that. You are Sarah’s hero and your mom loves you so much.” Noah had always taken care of his family and she knew that, it was one of the things that only she knew and not many other people. He had a side that got into trouble but that was only when he needed to let off the steam he couldn’t when he was making his sister dinner when his mom was working nights or taking her to school in the morning.

“Hey, listen to me. They aren’t mad or disappointed in you. Don’t think like that, you are going to do good things in your life. If you want, I could help you. Just say the word.” She promised him and he just nodded and closed his eyes.

Rachel stated awake watching him for a while as he fell asleep, she was worried about him. He had always carried weight on him that no one knew about; even she was in the dark about most of it she was sure. He had devoted his life to taking care of his mom and sister that day his dad left and he had never failed on his word. One bad day wasn’t going to change how anyone felt about him for it.

She eventually fell asleep with Noah’s arm draped around her waist and a soft smile on her face that he had came to her and that if felt good to lay in bed with him. Not even Finn lay with her innocently. It was special and it was something that she knew would only feel this way with Noah and she didn’t know exactly why that was.

The next morning she woke up and he was gone, only the remainder of a quickly scribbled _Thanks_ left on her pillow telling her that it hadn’t been a dream.


	2. Confusion

 

It was two days before Noah came tapping at her window again. This time she let him in without any questions or concerns. No words had been spoken between them since that night and while it wasn’t usual for them to talk at school, Rachel had felt wounded that he barely acknowledged her after the night they had shared together. While she knew that nothing had happened, and it was purely her comforting him a part of her still expected something, anything.

Then he showed up at her window again.

“Do you and Finn never see each other out of school? Why isn’t he here?” Noah asked as he kicked off his shoes and crawled up to her pillows.

“We see each other plenty, just because he isn’t here late at night doesn’t mean he isn’t here. We spent time together earlier and then he went home at dinner time.” Rachel answered as she laid down beside of him the position feeling possibly too comfortable to her now.

“If you are so concerned about him, why not go to his house? I’m sure he’s just playing video games.” She added and Puck smirked at her before folding his hands under his head.

“If I wanted to hang with Finn, I wouldn’t have climbed up your tree. I want to hang with you, Berry.” He stated simply with a small shrug like it wasn’t a big deal.

To Rachel it was a huge deal though and she sat up and looked at him highly confused by what was going on. Having a bad night was one thing, but coming over just to do it was something she was positive no one had ever done before.

He caught onto her look quickly and rolled his eyes before turning onto his side and easily moving her hair out of her eyes. “You’ve always been there, even when I was a jerk to you. You were there and I feel like I owe you or somethin.” He mumbled before turning back to his back.

“You don’t owe me anything. You’re my friend, you’ve always been my friend. I help the people I care about, no matter what.” She stated simply though she was still confused.

Rachel relaxed against the pillows after turning to her side just studying his face. There was a moment during the short stent that they dated that she knew that he was someone so much more special than the person who was making out with her on her bed. He had always been so much more to her and she couldn’t explain it. With him laying innocently on her bed completely relaxed the feeling hit her again. Her heart ached for her to touch him, hold his hand and just be his.

“Noah.” Rachel whispered unable to snap herself out of it, though she knew it was wrong but she still moved closer to him anyways.

“Noah.. I..” She began only to find he had fallen asleep. Rachel sighed and turned out the lights and laid back down next to him her heart beating loudly.

“Oh boy.” She mumbled feeling herself fall off the deep end as she fell asleep, two boys invading her dreams and her heart.

 

Rachel walked through the halls of McKinley the next morning feel like she had the worst night sleep. She woke up to Noah gone again and no note in his trail. She didn’t understand what he was doing and why she felt like he was just messing with her. Finn was her boyfriend and she was happy with him, she didn’t know why suddenly he was appearing in her room at night and leaving without an explanation before sunrise. She needed to find answers and fast.

“Noah can we talk?” Rachel asked once she had found him at his locker. He just shrugged and she led him into the choir room and sat down next to him trying to sort the words out.

“As much as I enjoy bed company at night, and really I do enjoy it. I’ve never shared a bed with anyone before and I find it really comforting to lay with someone and listen to them breathe while I fall asleep. I suppose it is what any romance novel or movie has set me up for, but it’s still something new to me and frankly it is confusing.” Rachel paused to make sure he was listening and when she was satisfied that he was she continued.

“I need to understand why you are doing what you are doing, or at least why you did so last night. The other night was understood and I am very pleased that you find me comforting and that I could be there for you, but I feel like there is something you aren’t telling me and you need to tell me. I can’t keep letting you into my window without knowing.” She finished sounding sincere and refusing to let him not answer her.

Noah just looked at her and shrugged before putting his head in his hands for a moment and then standing. “Do you have a problem with me staying the night?” He asked and she shook her head. “Then that is all that matters. There is nothing wrong, just like your bed. Calm down and live a little.”

She watched him as he just walked out after that her mouth agape with what had happened and a new sense of wonder filling her.

He came through her window five more times in a two week period before she asked again. Each time he was coming in and they’d talk for a few a while about anything and mostly nothing and then fall asleep, each time Rachel would lay awake for hours just watching him and wishing he’d not only open up to her but that his lips would stop taunting her. She had developed a new crush based off of his willingness to spend time with her outside of school and at night and she felt both silly and infatuated over the concept.

“Noah?” Rachel said as he sat at the end of her bed willingly painting her toenails. He had offered when he came in and while she made sure he wasn’t drunk first she nodded and was now laying looking through a magazine her head going everywhere.

Her grunted in return and she just rolled her eyes and sat up on her elbows to look down at what he was doing.

“First, that is not exactly how you do that.” She teased though it was the sweetest thing in the world and she didn’t care what the end result would look like. Finn never offered to do anything for her and it was nice to be pampered for once.

He rolled her eyes at her and pinched her toe making her squeal and then cover her mouth remembering that her dads were in their room asleep.

“Why are you here?” She finally asked and he looked up at her and sent her a glare that she knew as meant that she wasn’t meant to ask but she didn’t care. She needed to know. “Tell me, please. I love having you here, but I know something is going on.”

Finally he just sighed and finished her toes before capping the polish and laying beside her with a shrug.

“Ma keeps getting onto me about everything, like I don’t know that I am screw up or somethin. I mean dude, I know.” He mumbled and she looked at him with pity in her eye that made him glare at her again.

“Rach, stop asking your stupid questions. I’m here and you enjoy it so either kick me out or get over it.”

She bit her lip and just nodded before running her fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. I wish I knew how to help you feel better. To make you see that you are something. You shouldn’t have to hide away from your house. I know how much your mom and sister mean to you.” She whispered.

“Not hiding, just like to get away sometimes. Could be out smoking weed or getting drunk, would you like that?” He asked and she shook her head. He was there with her and that was good enough for her no matter how confusing it was.


	3. Longing

She was walking through the halls when she saw him leaning against her locker. Giving him a quizzical look she stopped next to him.

“What can I do for you, Noah?” Rachel asked. Their friendship hadn’t changed much since he began to appear in her room at night just to ‘hang out’ as he had began to put it. No one ever wanted to hang out with her and it was weird, but she liked it. At school though it was like their new friendship hadn’t blossomed at all.

“Does Hudson know about us?” He asked bluntly and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Us? I wasn’t aware there was an us.” Sure she had been dreaming of him lately and not Finn and that was extremely worrisome but she hadn’t thought about them being anything other than friends nor did she think about telling Finn. “I think we both know that Finn would not react to our clandestine nights in my room, Noah. So no I did not tell him. Why did you want me to?”

He shook his head and looked in the direction where Finn was at his own locker. “Just wondering.” He mumbled before standing up straight and moving so that she could get into her locker. “Tonight we’re going somewhere though so don’t be in your pjs when I get there.” Puck added and Rachel looked at him but before she could say anything he was gone.

Later that night she was sitting on her bed dressed and ready for him to show up. She wasn’t sure what was going on or where he was taking her but a part of her knew that she needed trust him and that no matter what it was at least going to be a fun outing. She had never snuck out of her house before and while she had no idea how she was going to get down from her window she was ready for him to show up.

When he did she still jumped at his knocking and opened the window and looked down. “No, I can’t.” She said as she shook her head and backed away but he was faster and caught her wrist and pulled her back towards the window.

“Yes you can. Let’s go it’s not that hard just follow me and like don’t die.” He said with a shrug before ducking back out of the window and waiting for her to follow him before grabbing ahold of the tree branch and swinging down until he was on the ground.

Rachel gulped and closed her eyes before following his lead eventually landing on the ground with her heart racing so fast that she felt as if she was going to pass out. “I can never do that again.” She mumbled and he chuckled and took her hand leading her down the street to where his truck was parked.

“You have to get back up, Berry.” He mumbled with a grin as they hurried down until they were in his truck and she wrapped her coat around her tighter and adjusted the heater before turning to him.

“I would like to know where we are going now.” Rachel said sincerely refusing to sit in silence during a drive to who knows where especially when it was late at night and she was usually half asleep by now.

He looked at her and shook his head again before stepping on the gas a little and making her jump and scream. “This is going to be fun.” Puck mumbled under his breath making her glare at him.

“I swear Noah Puckerman, if you get me into trouble..” She scolded only making him laugh some more as he drove through Lima and finally pulled up to a house full of people and blaring music.

“You brought me to a party? It’s Wednesday night.” Rachel asked confused and he shrugged and helped her out.

“I was invited to a frat party and was told to bring a date. You keep saying how you don’t get out enough and have never gotten experience so now is your chance. You just you know can’t tell Hudson. He’d kill me if I brought his girl to a party that he wanted to be at.”

“Wait, what? Finn goes to parties?” Rachel asked genuinely shocked. Finn never told her anything like that and the look in Pucks face told her that there must be a lot that her boyfriend held from her.

“It’s not a big deal, so chill and now you are here so if you ever want to bring it up and throw it in his face you can. Just not like tomorrow unless you are really pissed at him or something.” He then stopped talking as they entered the house and he threw his coat in a closet along with hers though she was skeptical of the state they’d be in when they went to retrieve them.

“Noah, it’s a school night.” She said as she took his hand innocently a little insecure to be around college student.

“Yes it is, good job.” He mumbled with an eye roll as he got them both two red cups and she smelled it and shook her head before giving it back. “Drink it, you’ll be fine. I’m not going to get you drunk. Just taste it, that’s the whole point of tonight.:

Rachel sighed and took a drink of the beer, gagging first at the taste but taking a couple more until it wasn’t bothering her anymore.

The party was not what she really expected, it was mainly drinking games and people making out as well as some dancing. She managed to get Noah out on the dance floor for a couple fast songs and then a slow song which she felt like he had enjoyed the most. She certainly did and as the night went on she felt more and more guilty that she was out with another boy and not her boyfriend. Even though Noah hadn’t made one move on her.

“Noah.” Rachel said her mind a little fuzzy from the alcohol and the smoke that was filling the room. She took his hand and he looked down at her with the sweetest smile before pulling her into his side making her heart flutter. He was only sweet to her when they were together and around people they didn’t mutually know, she didn’t know why.

“Having fun?” He asked and she nodded because she honestly was. She had met a couple girls who didn’t immediately start making fun of her and she felt like she had genuine interest in being friends with. Their numbers were in her phone as well as a guys that she felt like she shouldn’t have but if the party was about getting experience she was at least succeeding at it.

“Shouldn’t we go soon? It’s getting late.” Rachel suggested gently reminding him that they had school the next day.

“The part of tonight is that you are skipping school tomorrow.” He said and she gasped and shook her head.

“Absolutely not! Take me home right now!” Rachel declared with a stomp of her for and Puck rolled his eyes and took her away from the group.

“Listen to yourself right now, you talk about how you want to be a grown up and for people to notice you. I left you alone for five minutes and you had what four people talking to you? You are not this person you claim to be, Rach. Now you’re having a good time, let lose a little and except that we’re going to have more fun and tomorrow you can work ahead of classes or whatever, from home. Chill, it’ll be fine.” His hands were on her shoulders and she looked up at him breathing heavily but finally nodded and then stepped back from him before he got much closer to him.

“Okay, we’ll stay. I was having fun talking to those girls.” Rachel said honestly and he nodded and let his hands linger for a moment and her heart fluttered before he sighed and dropped them and pulled back. “Go back to what you were doing, I’ll go walk around and see if I can meet anyone else.” She promised and he smiled and leaned down and kissed her cheek before leaving her.

Rachel sighed and went to sit down for a minute slightly confused as to what was transpiring between herself and Noah. Yes she had Finn in her life and he had probably half of the girls in the next room ready to be the next one he bedded but she couldn’t help but still long for him and it was infuriating that he wasn’t making a move and she didn’t know how to.

Pulling out her phone she saw that Finn had sent her a text, feeling guilty that she hadn’t noticed she sent something back quickly before putting it back in her jacket pocket and then standing up and joining a group of girls who were chatting next to the wall. It was always easy to introduce herself but it was what she got in return that scared. She knew it was probably because they were all drunk or on their way to be, but she was accepted into their little clique for the night and it was the one of the best feelings she had ever had.

It was almost a hour of laughing and dancing with the girls before Noah came over and nodded at the others before pulling her away from them. “Hey! You can’t do that, I was enjoying myself.” She had cut herself off from drinking not wanting to experience being drunk and had realized that it was possible for people to like her for her and that she could be a normal girl and not some freak who loved Broadway. So she glared up at him and he ran his fingers through her hair for a moment before dropping them and making her sigh.

“I just wanted to check up on you and see if you were wanting to go or not.” He said with a shrug and she shook her head. “I’m a little tired but we can stay longer if you want, it’s up to you. You were the one invited after all.” She answered and she got a nod in return before he walked way.

“You are one infuriating man Noah Puckerman.” She mumbled to herself as she walked back over to the girls she was now referring to as sort of friends.

“Boyfriend? He’s hot.” The one who was named Morgan said. Rachel looked back in the direction Noah had went and shook her head sadly.

“No, I have a boyfriend but it’s not him.” She couldn’t help but notice the disappointment in her voice and shook her head before smiling at him. “He’s just a friend. He brought me here.” Rachel said before a new song started to play and she dragged them back to the dance area not wanting to talk about it anymore.

It was bad enough that she was falling in love with someone who wasn’t Finn Hudson, but falling in love with Noah while still with Finn was another and she didn’t know how to deal with it.

She didn’t know how to break up with Finn especially when she was getting nothing but mixed signals from Noah.

When Noah finally led her out of the house it was hours later than she had ever stayed up and she was yawning all the way back to where Noah usually parked his truck. He walked with her to her house and followed her up to make sure she got in okay before hanging out at her window.

“You’re not staying?” She asked and he shook his head. “Nah, go get some sleep and do not wake up with your alarm tomorrow. I’ll know if you don’t stay home.”

“Are you skipping as well?” Rachel asked and was confused when he shook his head again. “Nope, I’m going and that’s how I’ll know. Don’t ask questions and just go to sleep. Night.”

“Night.” She said softly as she moved from her window and into the warmth of her room. She had been hoping that he was going to stay with her, that maybe she’d have the chance to ask the questions she needed to if they were together the next day. Now she felt like she’d never have the courage to ask. That she would never know if he was messing with her head or if she was just messing with her own.

Rachel changed out of her clothes and into her pajamas and climbed into bed with another yawn. Laying there for a while she went over the entire night in her head over and over again until she fell asleep. Something was missing, she just didn’t know what it was.


	4. Tell Me to Stop

 

The next morning she woke up later than she had ever slept before. Groaning at how she felt she checked her phone and smiled at a text from Noah. _Look at you listening to me. See you tonight._ Shaking her head she got out of bed and got in the shower determined to make use of her day off of school.

It was weird to not be in school, Rachel wasn’t sure she had ever missed a day of school not even when she was sick. Noah had asked her to do this and if he wanted her to experience skipping one day she figured she could do that for him. Though the fact that she had gave in so easily was not something she was okay with. Closing her eyes she turned the hot water up needing the thoughts to go away. Finn was the dream and she had him, she couldn’t be pining over his best friend. No matter how much better Puck was to her. Maybe Finn just needed to know what she liked and what she needed, maybe she could talk to him. Deciding she would do that she got out of the shower and changed into sweats and grabbed her books before heading downstairs to get ahead of her schoolwork.

Around lunch she got up the nerve to text Finn and request him to come over after school. He didn’t seem concerned that she wasn’t at school but just brushed it off as she spent the rest of the day relaxing and just enjoying having an entire day to herself. By the time she was expecting her boyfriend she had realized that she had actually liked the day off of McKinley and that frightened her.

Finn’s truck pulling into the driveway had her stomach rolling and she sighed as she stood at the door and forced a smile as he walked up to her. His cute half smile that had always drove her crazy made her forced smile more genuine as she kissed him hello. “I missed you today.” She said softly as she kissed him again before moving to lead him inside and to the couch.

“When I got your text saying you weren’t there it was weird but everyone deserves a day off right?” He asked and she nodded though she was disappointed he hadn’t even noticed she was gone. Of course he was busy and so was she but knowing that he didn’t even seek her out when she hadn’t sought him made her stomach twist again.

She sat up straight and took his hand. “I’ve been thinking, Finn, and I think we need to broaden our relationship.” The look in his eyes immediately told her he was thinking about sex and she sighed before shaking her head. “That’s not what I meant. What I meant was that as a couple I feel like we should do more, that we should go out and socialize. We could go to a party and be around other people that isn’t the glee club.”

He seemed confused and she waited for him to say something. “We don’t hang out with other people though, I mean you don’t. I mean you would get slushied and I don’t know what you would want to do that.” A part of her wanted to interject and tell him about the night she had with Noah and how there were people out there that didn’t fall under the high school maturity. She refrained though, not wanting him to know. It would raise more questions and their talk wasn’t about her friendship with Noah but their relationship.

“I see your point but I don’t see why we couldn’t try, we don’t have to go to a high school party but a college one.” She said with a shrug before moving her hand to his arm. “I just want to do more than focusing on our musical chemistry, watching musicals, or watching you play video games. Sure we hang out with our friends but don’t you ever want to do more? To just lay in bed and talk?” Rachel asked and by his confused look she knew he had lost him and just smiled before kissing his cheek. “Never mind, things are good the way they are.” She murmured before kissing him. Things with Finn were safe and maybe Noah was getting in her head too much but deep down she knew that safe was good. Safe made sure she wouldn’t get hurt.

 

She and Noah’s meet ups continued as she kept it a secret from Finn. On what she was considering their 3 month anniversary of being closer friends than they ever had been he took her to her 3rd party. Over the course of time she had mastered sneaking out of her house and back in and the first taste of alcohol no longer made her cringe. It was fun letting loose and learning more about herself that she ever had before. She now knew that she could be more than the freak everyone at school saw her as, she was passionate and strong willed and that was okay. Rachel had never been insecure about who she was but being around people who didn’t seem to care and seemed to genuinely like her made her more confident than ever. When she did feel insecure all she had to do was look at Noah and his smile would push it all away. Though she still had no idea what the meaning of him crawling through her window was, she had never been so happy that he had done so.

A couple nights later she had just gotten out of the shower when she found him on her bed. “I would really appreciate a warning before you come over, Noah. I’m not exactly presentable.” Rachel stated and of course he just eyed her and smirked causing her damp skin to turn red under her towel.

“I think you look hot.” He said with a shrug and she ducked her head as she smiled before quickly recovering and shooting him a glare to at least move so that she could navigate her room and find clothes. Noah got up and stood at her window as she quickly got what she wanted and retreated to the bathroom.

“Are we continuing our movie marathon tonight?” She asked when she came back out minutes later. He had been forcing her to watch every movie that he deemed “the best” and she was happily letting him since they had already watched most of her favorites.

He shrugged and sat in her chair and kicked his feet up against her wall. “Dunno, not sure what I’m in the mood for.” He murmured and she nodded and moved to sit on the bed facing him.

“Is everything okay?” She asked his presence seeming less fun and light. “I know you refuse to talk about feelings or anything but as always you know that you can talk to me, or sing about it. Though my dads are home so maybe that’s not the best idea.” When he shot her a glare she stopped talked and looked at her hands. She had been fighting her feelings for him for months now and right when she though they were nothing but platonic things changed and she hated it. Things with Finn were still the same, they were happy and she enjoyed being with him. The nagging feeling that their relationship was missing something wouldn’t go away though. She never felt like something was missing with Noah, and that made it even more confusing.

After a long few minutes she knew her friend wanted to clear his head with her company and she got up to organize her things for the next school day.

“Do you ever ask yourself, what if?” He asked finally and she looked over at him and nodded. “Doesn’t everyone? I mean I know that thinking about the past isn’t going to change anything and I know that I can’t dwell on it but pondering the possibility doesn’t hurt.” Such as asking what if they hadn’t broke up after one week of their short lived romance, Rachel thought to herself as she sat down on the arm of the chair and wrapped and arm around his neck. “What’s on your mind?” She asked softly.

He shrugged at first and then sighed before shaking his head. “It was just a question, sometimes I just think you know?” She had to smile and lightly kissed his head before giggling wanting to lighten the mood. “You think? I had no idea you were capable of that.” Rachel teased and thankfully that worked because the mischievous grin he gave her soon had her on the bed with him on top of her as he ticked her lightly causing her to laugh before he finally stopped when she put her hands on his to stop him. “You’re going to get caught in her one day and while my dads don’t own any weapons I don’t think they are against it.” She warned and he rolled his eyes and moved beside of her leaving an arm around her waist.

She turned onto her side and looked at him with a soft smile. All she wanted to do was kiss him, to remember what if felt like to have his lips against hers. It had been so long, over a year since they had kissed and she felt so sad about it. He moved closer to her like they were gravitating towards each other in slow motion before finally stopping just an inch away from each other.

“Noah..” She breathed as he reached out and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. His lips were right there and it was taking all of her willpower to not give in.

“Tell me to stop.” He pleaded his voice tell her that he wanted the same things and was holding back just as much as she was. That the moment they were in was too powerful for either of them to hold back.


	5. Moving Forward, Putting on the Breaks

 

“Tell me to stop” The words went through her like air and a few seconds later she still hadn’t mustered the words though her mind was telling her they couldn’t do it. She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t cheat on Finn after months of hiding such a big secret from him to begin with. Her heart wasn’t listening though, her heart had no idea who Finn was as she moved even closer so that their noses were touching.

The kiss was slow, like a low burning fire as their lips barely touched at first. Rachel felt a million emotions flow through her but relief felt like the strongest. For months she had longed to kiss him, to remember what it was like and to solidify her feelings for him. She had also been terrified for it to happen but now that it was she knew she had been right to be scared. Kissing Noah was better than she could ever imagine. Her hand cupped his cheek as the initial contact broke and they looked into each other’s eyes before kissing again.

Her heart was beating rapidly as they parted and she could tell he was searching for any regret in her eyes. There wasn’t any, not yet anyways. She was in shock and her hand went to her tingling lips as she slowly sat up and looked over at him. There was so much she needed to say, so much that she should say but nothing came out.

“I should go.” He said quickly as he sat up and she reached out for him and grabbed his hand. “Noah…” She whispered and he shook his head before taking his hand back and heading towards her window.

A week went by and he hadn’t showed up once, at school he was more distant though it didn’t go noticed by anyone but her. When she tried to talk to him he would ignore her or make up an excuse and it drove her crazy not knowing what was going on. She was still with Finn and she knew that didn’t help matters any but not knowing what was going on in Noah’s head didn’t give her any reason to leave him. There was a high chance that she and Noah would never be together, that their kiss was a mistake and he wasn’t reciprocating her feelings. It hurt thinking that while her kiss had made everything she had been feeling for him stronger that he no longer seemed interested in even being her friend.

She found him lingering after glee rehearsal backstage of the auditorium. “Can we talk?” Rachel asked as she approached him though she was waiting for him to flee. He looked like he was about to when she stopped in front of him giving him no chance. “Noah, this important. Please.” She pleaded as Santana and Brittany walked past them and she did her best to pay no attention before finally taking his hand and leading him into the small dressing room. Rachel locked the door and then leaned against it as she crossed her arms. “You haven’t talked to me in a week.” She stated though it wasn’t like he didn’t already know that. What he didn’t know was how much she missed him and how long she waited every night for him to show up at her window only to be disappointed when he never came.

He just stood there with his hands in his pockets making her both sad and annoyed. Finally she moved and put her hands on his cheeks to force him to look at her. “I miss you.” She said honestly. “I miss talking to you and sleeping next to you, why are you avoiding me? Was kissing me that bad? Did it mean nothing? Don’t you miss me?” Rachel asked and was surprised when his hands clasped hers as he moved them from his cheeks while he shook his head.

“No, Rach.” He said giving her no clue which answer he was saying no to. She looked at him searching for answers, for some sort of clue as to what he was saying. “No, what?” Rachel whispered as she squeezed his hands needing to know. When he let go and moved away she knew it was what she had been dreading. That they were no more than friends, she wasn’t sure they were even that anymore.

“Oh.” She whispered as she leaned against the vanity her head down. “I should go then, leave you to what ever you were doing.” Rachel stated as she started to move passed him but he grabbed her hand and quickly pulled her towards him. Before she could say anything he was kissing her fiercely and she gasped before kissing him back. She melted into the kiss, her body relaxing against his at how comfortable it was to be connected with him in such way. When he pulled back she tightened her grip on his hand refusing to let him walk away from her again.

He needed to start explaining before she went crazy. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.” He stated and her face fell. “No, not because I don’t want to or because I don’t have feelings or whatever you call them. I said I wouldn’t do this, I wouldn’t steal his girl again and look what I’m doing.” It didn’t event take her a second to realize what he was talking about. He and Quinn had wrecked Finn and the two boys had only started to become close like they had been before the scandal came out. Now it was Rachel who Noah was cheating with and she understood why he was feeling guilty and avoiding her.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered knowing that she hadn’t helped things any. Really she had wanted it for far longer than she was sure he had and rarely did she feel immensely guilty about it. “I'll talk to Finn, I-I'll break up with him.”

He shook his head though and she sighed frustrated that within the last few months she had received nothing but mixed signals and confusion from him.

“Don't, he'll blame me and hate you and then the damn glee club will be upset and…” He mumbled before stopping and pulling away from her completely. The stern look on her face made him roll his eyes.

“You have Hudson, it's what you wanted. Why would I fuck that up.” He shrugged and she huffed.

“I won't bring you up he won't know about any of this. We won't tell anyone we are together for a little while, it'll be fine.” She said and honestly it made sense to him. Kind of. “It'll be fine.” She repeated but he still shook his head and moved to leave. She wouldn't move from the door.

“Rachel, just leave it, k? We're cool. Just gonna forget this happened no biggie.” He said with a shrug.

“I don't want to.” She said with a small stomp of the foot and he almost cracked a smile.

Instead he picked her up and moved her, freeing the door. With one more look and a sigh he opened it. “I'll see you.” He promised.

That night she locked her window.


	6. Chapter 6 Dirty Little Secret

 

She ignored him for a week, well he ignored her too but she tried to tell herself that she was the one indeed doing the ignoring. It wasn’t until there was a tap at her window well over a week later that she decided it was truly her turn to ignore him. Going over she opened her curtains and just stared at him.

“Let me in, Rach.” Noah said and she shook her head before shutting the blinds, curtains, and turning the light off for good measure. An hour later he was still out there and she groaned as she opened her curtains to see him.

“What can I do for you, Puck? Should I call 911 for someone stalking me in my second story window?” She asked in a much harsher tone than she realized until his visible flinch said otherwise.. “Sorry, come in, I guess. Though I don’t know why.” She moved away from the window after opening it and placing herself firmly on the bed with her arms crossed.

He climbed through her window just like she had been doing for months and scratched his head awkwardly making her roll her eyes. “Didn’t think you’d get this far?” She asked.

“Not really.” He replied as he moved to sit at her desk figuring that having some space between them would be for the bed, he was right. Her glare struck through him making his insides hurt and he sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy.

He dug his heels into her carpet having no clue exactly what he wanted to say or really why he had shown up. He had missed her he guessed and that was probably the worst feeling like ever.

Slowly he looked up and at her happy to see her state had softened allowing him to decide to move over next to her.

“I’m sorry for last week, we crossed a line or something and it shouldn’t have happened either time.” He said softly her frown making him sigh. “Don’t Rach, I know what you said but it’s not right. I can’t lose my best friend.”

Before he could say anything else she interrupted him by kissing him making him pull back immediately. “Rachel.” He mumbled and she shook her head.

“This is what I want. I have wanted you for month, Noah. Finn and I haven’t been a real couple in months or ever, I don’t know. I know that I like you, doesn’t that mean something?” She asked and he sort of nodded sort of recoiled kind of afraid of her.

He was actually really afraid of her but that wasn’t anything new.

“So what do you want to do?” He mumbled as he kept his distance from her still promising himself not to give in to her, not yet.

She shrugged though clearly haven’t figured that out in the last week.

She hadn’t.

“I don’t know.” Rachel said honestly as she moved from her bed and looked out the window he had just climbed in. “Breaking up with Finn would ruin what we have going with glee, not when we have a chance of winning.” She murmured with a small shrug again. “I don’t know what to do.” She looked at him hoping for some answers and smiled softly. He was who she wanted to be with, that was all there was to it.

“I’m going to break up with him.” She promised and for the first time he smiled at her making her heart swell as she walked over and sat on his lap before kissing him.

“We’ll do what you said, sneak around for a bit.” He murmured to her and she nodded back. “It’ll be okay. This week has been hell without you around.” He had never planned on falling for Rachel Berry when he first came through her window yet here he was practically head over heels without even realizing it.

Before he could push their kissing any farther she was off his lap and gesturing to the window. “Leave please, you will have a progress report after I have ended things with Finn and then we can talk. Until then we can’t do this anymore. I will not cheat on Finn anymore than I already have, it’s not okay nor is it right.” She stated firmly.

With a nod Noah got up and walked over to her and let his fingers graze her sides before kissing her cheek. “Until next time, Rach.” He whispered before heading out the window.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Hi! Super short chapter but I really wanted to get a chapter out and needed this one to be shorter for muse reasons so that I can get a kick start on the next without any issues. Look for it soon!


	7. Chapter Seven: Dirtier Little Secret

**Chapter 7 Dirtier Little Secret**

 

“You haven’t told him yet?” He hissed in ear before lunch hours. “It’s been three days, Rachel. “ Puck continued and Rachel winced feeling guilty as she looked down and gnawed at her lip.

“I’m going to, I just haven’t had the time!” She said back as she turned to him just slightly. “I was going to do so two days ago and he invited me out to a huge family dinner, what was I supposed to do?” Rachel asked. “Then yesterday was our monthly anniversary and it just didn’t seem right!” She hissed as she moved away from him slightly feeling vulnerable and guilty. She knew she was making up excuses, she knew that she needed to do it but it was much harder than he thought it was going to be. He didn’t understand what she was up against here.

“I’m sorry.” Rachel said softly as she turned to him and reached out to touch his shoulder but he shrugged it off and moved away.

“Yeah.” He mumbled before walking away.

All through lunch she stared at Noah from the table next to him. He was terribly hard to read and now with him being mad at him it was even harder. Sighing she nodded at whatever Finn was yammering about and moved her lettuce around her tray before standing up. “I have to go. I’ll.. I’ll see you later.” She said with a small smile before kissing his cheek and then heading out of the room and to the choir room.

He was pissed. He was so pissed that he had done everything right and now Rachel was dragging her feet on something she had said she was going to do. He figured she had changed her mind; really it was for the best. Finn was so much better for her, had maybe a chance at doing something with his life. On the other hand, he was boring and well Finn and he knew he could compete and win. If only she would give him the chance.

He sighed as he watched them at lunch and then raised an eyebrow when she quickly got up and left the room. Taking that as a cue he followed her and entered the room a couple minutes after.

“Hi.” He mumbled at her as he leaned against the door as she sat at the piano. “I..” He began before stopping. He wasn’t sorry he didn’t know why he was going to apologize for something he hadn’t done.

“I’m sorry.” She said before he could open his mouth again to finish his sentence. He raised an eyebrow at her and hummed as he walked closer to her. This was liable to be interesting at the least. Even if he didn’t really believe her at this point about her being sorry.

“I’m so sorry, you’re right.” She continued to his surprise and he hid his smirk that he was actually right about something. Of course he was but he knew to watch his own moves here. “I just.. I guess it’s just hard. I don’t know. I feel stupid. Every time I go to do it I feel bad and I don’t know. I don’t know how to hurt him easily.” She whispered and he sighed as he moved to sit down next to her.

“Has he ever hurt you easily?” He asked and the wince told him the answer before she had the chance to shake her head. The soft no made him sigh and he looked behind him at the door before kissing her head. “I shouldn’t have pushed I guess.” He whispered trying to be sensitive or whatever girls went on about wanting boys to be.

“No, it’s okay. You should probably push some more.” Rachel said and he laughed at all the images that ran through his head and she pushed him probably reading his mind. “Noah.” She warned and he simply nodded.

“I want you to break up with him, please break up with him soon.” He whispered as he stood up. “I’m not going to be that guy again, you know that and until you break up with him. I can’t be with you.”

That night she waited for him at her window and he never came and she knew he was serious.

It got even harder to break up with Finn the next morning when he showed up at her house with breakfast and the perfect day planned for them. “Finn.” She said shocked around lunch time as they arrived at the perfect picnic for them. It was so sweet, it was so beautiful, and it was breaking her heart how much love he was expressing to her and how little she felt in return.

“So I have this idea.” Finn said with that grin that once made her heart flutter. “Let’s play a game.” He continued and she nodded intrigue flowing through her intensely as she sat up on the blanket. “Do you remember our first date? It was set up just like this in the auditorium, you did it remember?” He asked and she of course nodded. How could she forget?

He grinned at her again. “That was the day I like knew that we could be together one day, you know after Quinn and everything. That you’d always like be there waiting for me. It was cool to know you were always going to be there.” Rachel smiled though Noah’s words and rants about Finn and how he treated her flooded her mind and she tried to force them away as much as she could.

“So the game?” She asked and he nodded excitedly as he dug in his bag and then put his hands behind his back. “The game is pick a hand and you get what’s in it.” He explained and she nodded in return

Picking his right arm Finn about fell over from excitement and her eyes went wide as he showed her the perfect little box in his hand and then showed her the left, a rock. She really wished she could go back in time now.

“It’s a ring!” He said and her mouth dropped open as he opened it finding a small pink stone, simple, beautiful. Before she could say anything he was on a knee.

“I love you a lot and I want to marry you, one day. I was going to ask now but like my mom told me not to and suggested this instead. It’s a promise ring which apparently means I promise to marry you one day.” Finn rambled on. “Rachel, I want a future with us. I want everything you have ever told me about kids and Broadway and something about a kid named Tony? Which I’m not totally for but I’d do anything for you so yeah, will you marry me in the future?” He asked and she just stared.

No words were coming as she just looked at him to the ring and she felt like she was about to blackout, she actually thought that maybe she did because the next thing she knew he was kissing her and a ring was on her finger so heavy that her hand dropped to the ground. Had she nodded? Had she nodded in her stammering that she actually said yes when she wanted to say no.

She couldn’t breathe.

“Finn.” Rachel began as she pulled back from him and took a look at the ring before back at him. “This is really sweet.. but.” She began but he was shaking his head and kissing her again.

“Your dads already okayed it, I asked them. Can you believe it? I asked and they said yes! Of course they said something about not actually getting engaged for like ten years but at least I know that they like me enough to say yes. I always though they hated me.” They do, Finn. Rachel thought to herself. They just didn’t have the heart to tell him no, and apparently that was genetic.

She took a deep breathe and forced a smile on her face before kissing him. “I love you, thank you for this. I’ll cherish it and you.” Rachel promised before looking at the ring again. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe this was a sign that she wasn’t meant to be with Noah after all, that Finn really was her future and she was just confused. Yes, that was exactly it and as she watched Finn send out a group text to all of their friends about the ring he had bought tears flooded her cheeks.

She just had no idea if they were happy or sad tears, she was almost positive it was the latter.

 

Note: DUN DUN DUN, I’m so sorry! Don’t worry good always coming from some angst!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks you so much for reading!


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